It's a snowy February morning. I'm still in my pjs and may not get out of them. I've just had my cheerios and two cookies. I feel very drawn to write today, but a small voice says this might not be the best time. Oh that small voice....please guide my thoughts...I have to write
Have you ever been depressed but happy at the same time. It's a conflict of the brain within itself. I think that's where I'm at alot these days. I struggle to be positive, yet I know better and I then I feel quilty for being down.
I have so many blessings in my life and I acknowledge them. I was born in the right time and place for me. I was born of goodly parents and I have wonderful siblings. I have had the opportunity to also become a parent but lately I question how goodly I was. Dont even start to comment. Sure I know that I have done some good things....but lately....I wonder....
Did I yell too much...I really dislike parents who raise their voice in far too many situations....that could have been easily dealt with otherwise. Yelling does nothing but hurt. ( and save lives in emergencies) If I could parent again..I would NEVER yell. ( unless emergency) I would develop strategies to harness that reaction because it hurts.
Did I model compassion.....do we think about how others feel when we make useless comments that accomplish nothing, but hurt the sensitive soul. Sometimes we need to be quiet ....more listeners needed. I will also state here that we need to feel comfortable expressing how we feel.
Did I give opportunities to serve..without complaining....it can be such a blessing. We even need to serve within our families....our children....our spouses....our parents.....children need to learn this and discover the great joy that comes when we serve
Did I teach the proper things to value...things vs people.....whats really important these days ??
Did I live the gospel .....family style....prayer, scriptures, FHE......it is so important and it does make a difference. It's probably one of the hardest things to do and WE know why!!!
What memories of family are important to my family......
See what I mean.....happy and sad......I know it does no good to dwell on the past, but maybe by writing it I might inspire one of my few readers to think about something!!
There that's the emotion of Momma today. I've been sick lately ( chesty cold), and very tired. I have been knitting , little slippers like Nanny Logan does....did....and that's been fun. I have been reading some good books ( two from my BB Gail....Macomber...A Season of Angels and A Turn in the Road) and from Karen....Crossed ( sequel to Matched), I'm making cards ( no comment on my progress) and spending lots of time with my grandchildren......ohhhhhhhhh how I love each of them. I have to state too that I especially love one on ones with them.....some special moments treasured. WE ALL love one on ones...at least I do.
So other randoms....I love watching the Amazing Race and Castle. I''m still a dyhart Greys....last weeks was so good. Somehow I have been pulled into Bachelor...and it just blows my mind what these girls will do for a guy who really doesn't impress me at all....and yet I turn it on....go home Courtney!!! ( see what that show does to you....sorry Courtney) Maybe I've rambled enough....oh...and I really dislike plastic containers....and storing them.....my organizing nightmare. I wish that I could hang pictures better ( and where I want to) and I need new living room furniture and fresh paint.
Some photos......to end on a much better note......love photos....
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| I want this sign |
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| Let's have a Nanny sleepover |
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| ahhhhhhh sleepovers |
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| LOVE LOVE LOVE |
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| LOTS MORE LOVE!!!!! |
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| Greatest gifts |
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| Even with her eyes closed she's cute!!!! |
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| BAZINGA INDEED |
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| Growing so much!!!! And last but not least some of my happiest photos....love your life     Smiles make me smile |
Jackie, I know how you feel. I am so less than perfect in the yelling department. We can only do the best with what we have at the time. I learn each day all the things I need to change, I could let it over whelm me but I just change what I can.
ReplyDeleteI also understand feeling very happy but somehow sad at the same time. That is when I feel so guilty too, since I have numerous blessings in my life but we aren't perfect. I do my best to smile and really be happy inside. One thing I know, I know you know this too; there is ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel. Everything does get better with time. It is what holds me together.
You are amazing Jackie, many people think this way about you. I have loved knowing you all these years and I have learned lots of wonderful thing from you too.
You always make me feel special when you see me and I know you care, that alone makes you awesome :)
I sometimes wonder how I will be judged as a parent...some days I feel as if I'm doomed based on that skill alone and yet there are days I understand the atonement enough to feel like there is hope for me. I grew up with a parent that yelled at me due to the stress of being a single parent and yet I look at my mom today and am grateful regardless, that she was and is my mother. I only hope that in light of my flaws and faults that my children will feel the same way. I have been blessed to be married to one of the most amazing man I know, I have six incredible children who are healthy and smart and yet there are days where I feel happy and sad at the same time. To some looking from the outside would think, "what does she have to be unhappy about?" but there you have it, it happens. I have known you Jackie for over 21 years and in all that time you have shown courage and conviction in your faith, love and devotion to your family and a never-ending love for your grandchildren. Despite your feelings, you have kept going and I so appreciate you for it all. There will always be days like that unfortunately. I guess the test might be in how we deal with it. You are born of goodly parents and you're are proof of that.
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